Sesshomaru: Private Investigator
by Karma Won't Sleep
Summary: Sesshomaru is a detective? What? Sarcastic and confusing humor.
1. Detective Sesshomaru?

NEW FICCY NEW FICCY NEW FICCY this one is for all of you Sesshomaru lovers out there!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Prologue  
  
Detective Sesshomaru  
  
~*~*~*  
  
I am Sesshomaru. What exactly am I supposed to write in a case log anyway?  
  
"Um My Lord I believe you are supposed to write down everything about all of your cases," said Jaken who was reading over his master's shoulder.  
  
"Jaken, are you implying that you posses more intelligence than me?"  
  
"Oh no Sir! Of course not! Please forgive me my lord and master! I'll do anything! Just don't hurt me!"  
  
Sesshomaru put his foot on the toad demon's head and continued writing.  
  
I have yet to have a case any more important than a missing loaf of bread. My hopes are that I will become more noticed due to the signs I have had Jaken post in numerous villages. As soon as I have solved my first big case my services will become more popular. For now I will just be waiting in my office for the phone to ring.  
  
"My lord, what exactly is this telephone? Why do all of the humans have one?"  
  
"It is an electronic device that allows one to communicate with another even if they aren't near each other. They haven't even been made yet so I really have no clue in the seven hells why they are here."  
  
"Oh, I see, I guess, kind of, maybe, a little, ok I don't get it."  
  
Just then the phone rang.  
  
"Hello this is Sesshomaru: Private Investigator," said Sesshomaru.  
  
"Something terrible is happening!" said the voice of a middle aged woman.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"You'll have to come to the village and see for yourself. Please be here soon."  
  
She gave him the address and told him when he could come.  
  
"Well Jaken it looks like I have my first case."  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Yes, short prologue I know. It will be one case a chapter so I'm hoping to make the chapters longer than I usually do. This will be insane and funny so don't think it won't be! 


	2. The Case Of the Dead Murderer

I'm writing this with ear plugs in.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters. If you sue me for saying I do then you are an illiterate fool.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The Case of the Dead Murderer  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Sesshomaru and Jaken arrived at the village that the woman called from. He went to the house that was at the address he wrote down. It was a hut, just like all of the other houses in the village, but it had large wooden double doors and a doorknocker. Sesshomaru paid no mind to the doorknocker and knocked right on the wood of the door.  
  
"Oh yeah that's just perfect. I have to sit up here and people don't even use me."  
  
Sesshomaru shot a skeptical look at the doorknocker. It was shaped like the face of a cat.  
  
"Jaken, did you hear someone say something?"  
  
"Yes Master. It was the doorknocker."  
  
"Yeah that's right it was me. Now actually use me. You know how right? You look like a smart person. All of the idiot villagers have no clue what a doorknocker even is."  
  
"They have good reason, I don't think many people use doorknockers since it is only the feudal era of Japan. I'm not going to touch anything so ugly and cat-like," said Sesshomaru. He knocked on the door again. It was opened by a middle aged woman.  
  
"Are you the detective or are you the vicious demon that has committed the horrible crimes?" asked the lady who at the moment looked very serious.  
  
"I am Sesshomaru: Private Investigator and this is my helper Jaken."  
  
The woman's face brightened instantly and she led them inside.  
  
"I guess you will be wanted to see the crime scene. There have been reports of murders just like it all throughout the village."  
  
"Murders? Sir, I did not think we would be on murder so soon!" said Jaken. He shut up when Sesshomaru looked at him with that "are you trying to say I am not good enough to solve a murder?" look. They were led into the kitchen. The woman opened the pantry and Jaken let out a huge gasp.  
  
"It's all over the place! The casing is all torn and ripped! I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT IT!" Jaken ran out of the room in tears.  
  
"I've gotten use to the gruesome sight. I don't know what could have done this!" said the woman.  
  
Sesshomaru looked at the cereal that was all over the floor and the torn and ripped boxes. He looked from the woman, who was pale from seeing the "murder scene," to the direction Jaken had run off in, and then back to the cereal. He went rigid and fell to the ground. (Anime style of course)  
  
"This is what you were all worked up about? You say everyone in town has had this happen to them and they are scared about it? You all think this sight is gruesome?" asked Sesshomaru in disbelief.  
  
"The workings of a cereal killer are very frightening," said the woman.  
  
Sesshomaru sweat dropped. A cereal killer indeed.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Sesshomaru found Jaken and they went to question some of the other villagers.  
  
"Has anyone new been coming to the village often? Is there anyone here that you don't really know?"  
  
"Who is Ben? When is it going to snow?" asked an old man.  
  
"I don't think he can hear properly my lord," said Jaken.  
  
"You can give me tips on how to be bored," asked the man.  
  
"The villagers aren't helping us at all. They are all complete idiots. I don't know how we are going to get any clues at this rate," said Sesshomaru. He started to write in his case log.  
  
In kitchen the boxes of cereal are slashed and torn. It looks as if it was either done with a knife or claws. I am leaning more towards claws since I don't think a human committed these "horrible acts."  
  
This is when Sesshomaru realized two things. The first thing was that the only thing he had met in the village with some actual common sense to it was the doorknocker. The second was that people in feudal Japan didn't usually have breakfast cereal.  
  
"If I didn't know that I don't dream then I would think this was all one big nightmare full of stupidity," said Sesshomaru.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Sesshomaru and Jaken went back to talk to the doorknocker.  
  
"Did you happen to see anyone suspicious around here?" asked Sesshomaru.  
  
"Yeah I sure enough did. It was this savage looking demon with pinkish hair. Come to think of it, it has gone into almost all of the huts in the village late at night."  
  
"Why didn't it occur to you that this pink-haired demon might be the cereal killer?" asked Sesshomaru.  
  
"I think the air here is filled with stupid. . . I'm breathing it in all the time. I can't help but go into a brain lapse once in a while."  
  
Sesshomaru sighed and asked which houses the demon hadn't gone into yet. There were two and they were conveniently located next to each other  
  
That night Sesshomaru hid by one house and Jaken stayed by the other. It was very late at night and Jaken had fallen asleep. He was jolted awake by the sudden yells of  
  
"DIE FROOTLOOPS DIE!!!"  
  
Jaken went and got Sesshomaru.  
  
"Are you sure we should go in here master? Don't you think we should wait for it to come out?" asked Jaken.  
  
"Don't be such a coward."  
  
"Right sir, I'm sorry please don't hurt me."  
  
They walked into the house and then into the kitchen. Inside they found a demon with light pinkish hair attacking fruit loops and whatnot.  
  
"Aren't you that demon Juromaru that my incompetent brother destroyed?"  
  
"Yes. I have been freed and I no longer belong to Naraku. I also have my own will and I'm not controlled by my brother. Now I am free to kill cereal."  
  
"Yes, but how are you alive?"  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Then why are you still in this living world? Shouldn't you go?"  
  
"Uh. . . yeah I should."  
  
With that Juromaru disappeared.  
  
"Where did he go?" asked Jaken.  
  
"He went to the world of the spirits. I don't know why he didn't go there when he died. I'm starting to think I am in some kind of strange and twisted story being written by some strange and twisted girl," said Sesshomaru. If he only knew. He he he.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
I solved the case and I was paid for my services. The villagers promised to spread the word about my great talent for solving mysteries. That village was never again bothered by a cereal killer.  
  
"We did an excellent job for our first case my lord," said Jaken.  
  
"An excellent job is all I am capable of doing and no less," said Sesshomaru.  
  
Just then the phone rang.  
  
"Hello? My children have been kidnapped!"  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Next time on Sesshomaru: Private Investigator. . . . The Case of the Missing Triplets  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Hehehehehe. I think this is the longest chapter I have ever written. Interesting. 


End file.
